Listen.

Today I wanted to get really high. But i Can’t.

You see someone breaking their neck to stare at you? Don’t get pissed and stare back. Don’t look away in social decay. Just wave. I guarantee a smile. 

Mess up driving and almost hit someone? Just wave and mouth “…my bad.” 

Honestly it’s just easier to be nice. People may think you’re weird but at least they’re not afraid of you stabbing them. 

You drive me nuts. I average 8 missed calls a night from you. I ignore you and get showered with constant unwanted affection. When someone doesn’t want to talk to you, repetitive incessant texts and calls only pushes them farther away. You get drunk and try to see me, i don’t want to see you. Stop. Get over me, I’m 19, I don’t know what i want yet. One thing i do know is that i don’t want you. 

This brings me to the subject of ‘love’. It’s a word used too often. Repeated use voids the meaning. What is the meaning? I believe it is an extreme infatuation with an individual. One person always enjoys the company of the other slightly more. We all lose interest when find that new person to “love”. I have. One day you will. True love? That exists between mother and daughter, not between husband and wife. Love is not made, it has been there since you were there. The word lacks purpose. It only lays comfort to a relationship and adds hurt to the end of the them.

I did not love you. I have never loved anyone. I said it, if not our life would have been awkward. Comfort is key.

You don’t want me. Who would want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them? It’s ridiculous. I’ll be gone soon enough, you won’t have the chance to see me. 

I only pray you don’t hurt yourself in some selfish ploy to retrieve me. It sounds shallow, it is shallow. You’ve built me up while i tore you down piece by piece. It wont stop til your whole foundation is in ruin. That’s why you need to stop thinking about me. I stopped talking to you for YOU. Only way to get over me is to stay out from under me. You’re my first post - you mean that much. Take that how you want to. If you see this then i apologize. If not, i’ll be expecting to hear my phone vibrate to exhaustion tonight while i slumber peacefully. 

P.S. You had sex with my brother. Gross.